yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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