My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
