he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
