It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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