I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
