were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
