fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
