What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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