By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
high people should be assigned attendants
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
