Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
