I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
