Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
