This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
