Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
