I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
