i was born a porn star she said
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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