AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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