2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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