am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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