PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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