You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
