Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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