I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
