Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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