i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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