Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
