i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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