Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
