hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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