hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
