So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
