You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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