New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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