I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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