What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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