He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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