...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
