He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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