it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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