Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
