Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
