naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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