chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
