OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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