Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
