need another drink. this is the easiest way
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
