I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
