We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
