Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
