the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
