my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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