It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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