he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
