she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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