i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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