I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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