ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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