I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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