All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
