News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
