The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
