I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
