So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
