I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
