I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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