You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
