You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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