mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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