Well douche your snatch and let's go!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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