she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
