you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
