I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
