I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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