How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize