turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
