what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
