dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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